Anyway he was very nice and much nicer than that disagreeable man at the other place. The place that took my testicles away from me… I do miss those little fellows.
Thank you for your kind words and I am glad that I brought you that ray of sunshine, on an otherwise gray news morning.
I’ve received many emails of support and coupled with the photographic evidence my friends are conceding that I did not just dream it, I won it! Needless to say time heals and the battle with self doubt is being won. Chasing leaves has helped and carrying sticks has always been a comfort in times of stress. It wasn’t really the fame, I wanted to connect with my family. It was a way of being seen. You see I was a rescue dog, abandoned by a callous Bill Sykes-like owner, left in a box with 3 other siblings outside a cold, rainy, wind beaten, police siren Battersea and, not unlike Oliver I decided then that I wanted more. Fame was a brief but heady intoxication: I will quaff it again! So, er, actually it was the fame.
I will continue to read your esteemed journal, but I do feel there should be more articles about canines and canine issues, maybe a weekly slot for a dog’s eye view of the human world, and, as we dogs know, owners can be easily manipulated by puppy eyes… and it could increase sales. Dogs are not just for last week’s news but for life.
I include a snap from my early weeks, try and resist those eyes!
all the best
Staffie, dilettante and chewer of leads
After a sleepless night., I felt I had to state my case. I had tried to sleep on it but ended up turning and chewing over this injustice. At 5am like Jeffrey ‘Walter Mitty’ Archer I began my work. After much bile letting, I settled on the letter below and duly sent it to the rag that is Ham and High.
Dear Ham and High,
It is with great sadness that I have had to write this email. Also it’s quite difficult to write as I am a seven month old dog.
In your eagerly awaited news item Pup Idol 2010 you miss-spelled my name. I was the winner of cutest pup and I am indeed a staffie and proud but I am calledPONTA not Nippa. I’d told all my dog mates and they convinced their owners to buy Ham and High (you must have noticed a surge of sales in the Highgate area) now they think it was all a cheese induced dream. It’s just so embarrassing.
I have included 3 photos which chart the highs and the lows of my experience of fame. I mean, how many dogs can boast that Liam Gallagher knows their name, well, apart from his own dogs… If I had a phone, he would be on speed dial.
Disappointed of Highgate
Cutest Pup 2010 Pup Idol
After protesting too much, I realised being in the paper was a good thing after all. All the other pups were well into it, and the ladies that I play with were very impressed. So with joy in my heart I opened the local paper… not having thumbs is a big problem but after many attempts I turned the paper to page 11. Horror! There were loads of photos but none of me..Also that pushy owner with that ugly pug pup was smiling at me with their blue rosette that says 2nd. 2nd! Ha! 2nd is nowhere baby! Maybe I would have been too much… I am a bit of a looker (as well as being an intellectual) so perhaps they chose not to use my photo because if they had used my image they would have had to use my image solely because the others could never compete and aesthetically the layout would suffer. I can take this rejection, as in fact, it is validity of my reluctance of being treated like an object. But I have to admit it did annoy me.
So I started to read the article, pop stars, blah, blah..etc etc God journalism has really opened its doors to the post-o level generation, finger trailing under type, mouthing as they read…. So, ah, yes, here we are…winner of cutest pup was N-I-P-P-A, a staffie…What! NIPPA! Derivation of Nipper, a biter! violent dangerous dog…stealer of babies and terror of grannies…hmmm, Yes I am a staffie! But my name is Ponta. This was all getting too much. I won cutest pup and then some ill-informed canine-ist hack refers to the winner a staffie called NIPPA! It’s the owners you know not the dogs. Not all staffies are DEVIL DOGS but this one feels a little bit(t)er… and has a long memory. You took away my day in the sun but you cannot take away my dignity, my dreams, my ambition, my drive. I AM PONTA! And you will remember me, philosophically that is… because beauty is more than skin deep. Next year as a protest I will not enter best pup, even though I will not be eligible, the age-ist pup idol competition 2010 will be my last. Morally I occupy the only true position. 4 legs good.
Against my better judgement, the adults entered me into pup idol 2010 in Hampstead. Do they not understand the futility, vacuous nature of beauty pageants? I am a dog not an object. Reluctantly I obliged, winning cutest puppy 2010. I used all my charm and some ex-pop star fell for it. I mean, if you are going to smash the system you must do it from within. The press took my photograph and it all started to get serious. I was interviewed for Sky1 (the devil owns Sky, when will he own Earth?). I will be revealed to the world next Thursday. Liam Gallagher knows my name but I refused his offer of being put on speed dial.